Monday, January 2, 2012
It is officially the second day of 2012, and let me just say it was off to a rocky start. My boyfriend and I went to a new years party with our friends, and all went well until Jake, my boyfriend, started flipping out. He has schizophrenia, and while drinking sometimes has bad episodes. I always tell him to stick to light alcohol, but he always winds up drinking way too much and loses it. The problem is, when he's like that I can't do anything to calm him down, and that makes me feel useless. I'm the one person in his life who is there for him through everything, but when it comes right down to it, I have no idea how to help him. Despite all this, the new year has started with hope for myself and my ED. I have resolutions this year, one is to be healthier and more active, and the other is to stop bulimia. I know if I continue much longer I am going to die, not from malnourishment per say but from anything else that 5 years of making myself throw up will do to anyone's body. I have heard of heart attacks, heart failure, ruptured esophagus, stomachs getting ripped open, among other grotesque things, and it scares me. Not only that but I have not gotten down to my goal weight and stayed there, and I think bulimia is to blame. I believe if I try a non carb non fat diet that I will accomplish a more stable lifestyle and feel better about myself as I lose more weight. My goal for the end of january? To be 120 pounds again.