Monday, November 23, 2009

A virus killed my computer

Yes it is true! A virus attacked my computer and completely mutilated it, it had to be taken into a shop type place and they had to fix it. They had it for one week, but before that it was just sitting in my house being useless and dead. I am very sorry for not updating you guys, or whoever actually READS my blogs anyway. xD

Well pretty much I am stuck at 125. I don't know why or how but I eat roughly 500 calories a day, I am out walking and living my life, and I am still 125 pounds. I can't seem to lose anymore, and it is very frustrating. I want to fast but then again I don't because the last time I fasted I passed out in downtown toronto and woke up in the hospital. They told my parents I was malnourished, those fuckers.

Anyway, I am glad to be back and I hope to write more soon. I have not been very busy, my life is actually quite boring, but today I saw an ex of mine and we hung out for a bit, he bought me smokes, and he told me how "different" I looked. I asked him how I looked different, and he said I look smaller. I tried to ignore his compliment but I smiled and said thank you, and for a moment I felt happy with myself. Then we passed by a store window and I got a glimpse of my reflection and what I saw was anything BUT small. I looked like a hippo. I was so self conscious afterwards, I kept trying to look as thin as possible, trying to make sure he didn't realize I wasn't small at all. It was extremely exhausting.

In other news, I have started to date this guy, he's extremely tall, even for me he is tall, I only reach his chest and I'm 5'9! His name is Chris and he is sweet and kind and thoughtful and funny, and he treats me like a princess. I really care about him alot, I even tried to eat for him. He doesn't know about my ED and I don't want him to know, so I always try to eat even a bit around him so he doesn't suspect. Sadly that makes me not want to see him often, so I keep making excuses not to go see him, we talk on the phone and on msn every day instead. I miss him alot, but I don't want to have to eat that much! It's very frustrating.

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