Friday, October 30, 2009


So, this year for Halloween, I decided to be myself, yet again. I figure I myself am terrifying and freaky enough for Halloween. So I bought a pretty dress that makes me feel like a princess with metal and criss-crossing ties all down the sides, and I promised myself I would lose 10 pounds in the month that I got it so that I could look nicer in it. I did not keep this promise. Since I've been on my medication I have been acting very weird, I've been myself but not, I feel like I'm standing outside of my body staring at myself but not understanding why I'm doing the things I am doing. It's like when I stare at the gap between my legs, seeing it but not understanding it. So anyways, I've been having days where I don't eat a single thing, and days where I eat and purge up to 5 times in one day. It's scary as hell to me, how little control I have over what my mind tells my body to do.

Tonight is the day before Halloween, I am going to a Halloween party with my incredibly light and bubbly wine spritzers, and I just hope I don't drink anymore than that. Much more than that and I might get sick or even worse, do something retarded. But this party should be fun, I don't really like parties usually but I want to get out there more, meet more people with jobs and cars and whatnot, get out of this faze of only hanging out with people that fail at life.

Anyways, I have lost a a few pounds, I'm at a steady 128 and I have been for over a week now. I just can't seem to get that stupid scale to go any lower. I might fast, but I am going to wait until I know I have total control over my body before I do.

Oh, and Happy Halloween everyone <3

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