Wednesday, January 6, 2010


These two days at the gym really have taken a toll on my body. I woke up this morning super sore.... my calves, thighs, upper arms, shoulders, and abdomen. On a good note I am starting to look slimmer in the stomach area. Huzzah!

I'm dragging myself to the gym today to try and do my usual hour workout... I hope I can actually do the whole thing, my body hurts SO much!

My meal plan today is going to be.... chicken and green beans for breakfast (200 cal) with a diet pill and coffee. (I believe it's smart to make the largest meal of the day breakfast, longer time to burn off those calories and I go to the gym after breakfast anyway!)

After the gym I'll come home and have a yogurt (35 calories)

I'm going to try and get out of the house as much as possible today, so I'll probably wind up seeing a friend for most of the afternoon, then after that I come home and have 100 calories of whatever I feel like... soup, fruit... I was thinking green grapes with water again. I don't know how many I ate but I felt relatively satisfied afterwards!

I have tons of diet beverages: Deit ginger ale (for nausea), a case of diet pepsi, 2 boxes of crystal light, and a 6 pack of this flavoured water that I LOVE.

I have noticed that nicotine does curb my hunger, as does caffeine (which are in my diet pills), also writing in my blog and making/watching my thinspo's..... but most of all the thing that keeps me from binging is simply the thought that I'm in control. That I'm slapping the fat girl in the face and going NO. Bad fat girl. Also the comforting thought that if I don't eat I'll have an empty stomach and if I have an empty stomach I'll feel my stomach eat itself, I'll feel dizzy and giddy with adrenaline. I love the feeling of being empty.

On another note, I hate living in Canada sometimes. It's been snowing so much since christmas and it's so bloody cold out I hate even leaving my house. I love the spring and summers we have here though, and I suppose the harsh winters do make a person appreciate the warm weather much more. I just want wait for winter to be OVER. I want green grass and warm sun and fresh flowers and blue skies!

Anyway, as you can probably tell I'm somewhat in a good mood today.... somewhat. xP
I actually feel so happy and in control and just plain proud of myself for not binging and purging last night. I had my grapes and then I went to bed. It feels great knowing that ignoring bulimia is DO-ABLE.

So wish me luck girlies! I hope you all have good days as well. Stay strong!


  1. Way to slap that fat girl in the face! lol I love that imagery. And like you, I LOVE the feeling of being empty, which is pretty ironic considering our penchant for binges. Although I suppose that is why we feel empty again! Ah, bulimia mentality. Fun stuff. :/

    I'm Canadian! I was born in Windsor but raised in the US (Michigan) My Mom was born and raised in Ontario. I have several relatives that live in the Toronto area.

    Personally I miss the snow but it is nice getting a bit more time out of the spring and summer months.

    Be strong and stay lovely!


  2. You are sore from the gym but it is a testament to how great you're doing. Your perseverance is inspiring and I am so glad to see you avoided the evening binge.

    Control is absolutely the thing I thrive on as well; not just starving but being able to truly not want to eat.

    Hope you can stay warm! And stay in your good mood because you surely deserve it.