Tuesday, January 5, 2010


So, this is the first time I actually realized I have people READING my blog. Up until now I really had no idea. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the comments, you really helped strengthen me enough to overcome my bulimia.

So my fast failed (Obviously)... I feel incredibly frustrated with myself, and it's not even during the day that I want to eat, I can eat 50-100 calories in one sitting throughout the whole damn day without even WANTING to binge. But.... it's like when evening comes I just get so hungry. I just want to eat and eat and eat. I can't think of anything else and even when I choose to sit and smoke instead and convince myself that the urge will go away..... sometimes it doesn't. I have been binging and purging less though, and I have been eating less and only healthy food when I do binge, so I think if I keep going on this track I will conquer the fat girl.

Oh!!! I started going to this gym near my house! It's so great. I have always wanted a treadmill, and this place has EVERYTHING. I'm in heaven when I go there. I went there last night after having a 220 calorie dinner, and I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes... I burned 200 calories! I felt so good... so strong. In control of my body, and I must say, it's exhilarating, more exhilarating than binging and purging. I LIKE the nauseous stomach and the faint light-headed...ness... that comes from not eating. I enjoy feeling like I have control. I like knowing that I am going to burn off the calories I just consumed and feeling GOOD about it. I just hope this feeling is enough to stop my bulimia.

I have also started taking these pills... they're called ultra shape, they're like a laxative almost, meant to cleanse your body. I take 3 before dinner and 3 before bed.... so far I have been getting bloated, but that might just be the food I've been eating. I am going to take them for a few more days and if I still see no change I'm going to throw them out.

This brings me to the point of this blog, I was wondering who has tried body cleanses, and if so which ones worked best for you? I also want to start taking diet pills that curb hunger and raise my metabolism... does anyone know of any that work? I don't trust what the internet tells me these days, so I figure I will ask someone who has taken them. So if anyone is taking any of these pills and it's working good for them, please let me know which ones they are, it would be greatly appreciated.

Also a special thanks to Africana, your comments really help me more than you know! It's so good to hear someone else with the same struggles as me, and I know we can both overcome bulimia.

Stay strong everyone!


  1. Yup, yup! Thank you for all of YOUR comments too! I like your blog, I'm so glad you commented on mine because that's when I discovered you!

    (discovered...like you were under a rock and I was the first or something? Whatever-for lack of a better word-discovered.)

    Anyhoo, back to your post.

    OMG, isn't it sooo much easier to eat less food when it's healthy?! I was watching What I Hate About Me on the Style Network (my NYresolution was NOT to stop being a couch potato...clearly.) and they showed 1600 calories of junk food on a plate (that the girl usually eats) and then they showed like 10 plates (I may or may not be a bit of an exaggerator) of healthy food!! And it was all colorful and delicious looking! (DoublyYuck to the soggy, orange,red,white grease-tastrophy on the junk plate!)

    I take Herbalife's Total Control and Snack Defense (the two together) to help stave off appetite (when I remember...I've been really bad lately)

    And, of course the usual coffee and gum help to distract also.


  2. Aw hon, we are all in this together. That's why I love the ladies on blogger. The support I receive means so much to me that I'm happy to share it! xox

    And the evening binges are the story of my life! When I'm at work it is easy to be busy and stay away from food or just keep filling up with coffee...but when I get home in the evenings it is like I turn into a bulimic animal! I hate it but I can't seem to stop it.

    Do you know what I have to do if I don't want to binge after work? I have to take a sleeping pill in the car on the drive home from the commuter station so that I'll be tired as soon as I walk in the door and go straight to bed. Isn't that pitiful as hell?

    My control is so bad that I have to go to sleep to keep from eating. I totally suck.

    But anyway, I get prescription phentermine (appetite suppressant) from a doctor. I also sometimes take an ephedrine/asprin stack to mix things up. Oh, and I've even got a little stash of ADD meds too. Yeah, all of the stuff I take can't be bought over the counter so I guess I'm not much help but if you can get any of them trust me, they work.

    Stay strong...especially in the evenings!


  3. You definitely have our support! It helps to have some mutual motivation to get through the rough times.

    It's really great you're enjoying the gym! If you can find something, especially an activity, that you're enjoying and that can also help to lessen your want to binge. keep up the fabulous work. <3

    The evenings are really the time for me as well and is always when I end up binging. I've been exercising constantly and it is definitely helping me to control better.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and of course Ms. Africana as well, she is indeed an inspiration and such a supportive friend.

    Strength and love